I was thinking a lot about who I am and what my personality is like. I’ve never considered myself to be assertive in any way. I am an introvert by nature and I try to avoid the spotlight as much as possible. However, as I was thinking more about my past actions, I realized that when it comes to my ethics, or what I believe in I can be quite rigid in my thought and behavior.
I don’t mean to come across as dominant, but I guess maybe people mistake my passion for assertiveness. This ties back into why I feel so very misunderstood. I just had an aha moment that this is something that I need to work on. I’m not sure where this came from, but it’s something that I
need want to fix. I think my body language also plays a big role in this as well. I use to be someone who use to hide their feelings whether I was sad, angry, or happy, I was always very emotionless.
However, I’ve noticed that over the past three years, I don’t have so much of a constraint on hiding my emotions. If I’m upset I let it show and I am also vocal about it now. My face and body language easily gives it away. I don’t want to be like this, but rather I want to be able to deal with people and situations without being so rigid in belief, thought, and behavior. I feel like I always need to be in control of situations and I always feel like I want things to go my way.
As I was looking up videos on Youtube I typed in “People who are rigid” and the first video that popped up was about controlling people. I was a little in disbelief about this as I don’t want to be labeled as controlling. I need to research more into why I am like this and what I can do to fix this. Sigh, I will have to write another entry to delve into this issue more deeply.
Note: Image above does not belong to me.