I wrote a journal entry earlier, and for some reason none of it saved. Instead of getting all worked up about it, I’m just going to write it again. Maybe the second time around, I will have a new understanding or enlightening experience about this situation. I’m also going to just go with the flow!
In this continuation of my last journal entry, I explored the issue of being rigid and as I thought more about this topic, I realized that I’m not very comfortable with the idea of change. I can be very set in my ways, behavior, and thought process. I know this stems from the experiences that I have had in my life where I was constantly in subjection to other people. I’ve always felt like I’ve never been in control of my life. I would always blame external events, or people as the cause of my misery.
Instead of turning inward and really addressing how I was feeling, it was always about what someone else did to me, or treated me. It was never about me trying to take control of how I reacted to situations. I realize now that I can’t control how people act and I certainly can’t fix them. I need to let go of the need to control, or the want to have everything done a certain way. The truth is I don’t know what’s best. I don’t have the right answers for everything in life and I shouldn’t try to impose my view point on others. I know that if I crave structure and order in my life, it’s never going to happen.
Life throws curve balls and if I continue to stay inflexible, I’ll miss all of the opportunities that come with it whether good, or bad. I had a aha moment and have come to understand that the reason I have encountered the same situations, and people over and over again is because I didn’t learn my lesson. I couldn’t face the issues that I needed to work on and as a result, my external world was a reflection of these issues I had suppressed, but couldn’t come to terms with. I understand that now have been taking steps to correct these issues.
Solutions going forward
• Take a deep breath and relax because life doesn’t have to be so serious all the time.
• Stop judging people according to what I think is right and wrong and acknowledge that people have a right to how they do things. Just as long as I understand that I am in full control of how I respond.
• I will repeat this mantra daily
I accept all my emotions, but keep and sustain only the positive ones.
• Live in the present and when I feel triggered take a deep breath and realize that I have one life and will need to make the most of it.
• Take time to step into other people’s shoes and see their perspectives. Everyone has the right to exist and feel.