Sometimes I wake up in the morning and I just start thinking about the past. Once I start, thinking about it, it’s really hard to get out of my head. My mind usually takes me back to losing friends that I once cared deeply about.
The experiences that I have had of past hurts still haunt me to this present day. I’ve been betrayed by people who were once my close friends. I have a hard time as it is opening up to people and when I do it’s usually because I feel like I can trust that person. So, to have people I’ve confided things in go around and spread rumors about me it really hurt me to the core.
It’s going on 4 years now and it seems really silly of me to be holding on to past feelings. But, each time I recount these memories it’s as if happened yesterday. I still remember the words that were exchanged, the feelings, and in the end the feeling of isolation. It was traumatizing and I still feel like I haven’t recovered from it completely. I want to let go of these feelings because if I don’t I know that I won’t be able to move on. It’s like I’m living in the present, but sometimes I get pulled back into old ways of thinking and feeling.
I guess my frustration stems from the fact that I am in a place of hurt and pain and yet the people who are responsible for causing me this pain aren’t. They live as if nothing has happened. Yet, I choose to stop living life, because I’m so caught up in my own feelings that I can’t make the people who have hurt me feel what I am feeling.
I didn’t realize that by me having these feelings, I’m just inflicting pain upon myself without even realizing it. This month has been just so very enlightening for me and I have had several realizations over the course of these past few weeks.
I know that I can’t stay in this mindset. So, I decided to watch youtube videos to try to help me ease the pain. I also needed to see people who have actually experienced betrayal and see what I could learn from it.
I am also really really ready to let it go for my sake.
By holding onto past regrets and hurt you inflict pain and injury upon yourself without even realizing it.
Regret and hurt keeps you in the past and thus you’ve never really have been living a true and authentic life until you have let go of the pain.
Forgiveness isn’t for the person who hurt you, it’s for you, the person who has been hurt. It’s to acknowledge the fact that this happened and it can’t be changed, but you have the power to move on.
Holding on to grudges keep you in a victimized state and does not help you from becoming a better person.
Everything happens for a reason and going through tough situations can help you to evolve into a stronger and more spiritual person.
Note: (Image is not mine) https://www.google.com/search?q=Calm+mountain&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjpodrpjaPVAhUBTT4KHWDjDrgQ_AUICigB&biw=1280&bih=665#imgrc=6B23wkDabrFwtM: